How to deal with Loss

Grief. It's heavy. Whether it's the death of someone or it's the loss of a family pet, it hurts. We sometimes minimize our own pain and forget that a break-up is also a loss. 
About four years ago, a friend committed suicide.  It was one of those painful losses because she had been such a light in my life. She never saw all that her friends saw in her. 

REMIND yourself that past losses are triggered with death.  

If you find yourself deeply affected by a death. Maybe you didn't know the person that died. Sometimes these losses bring up all the pain related to an earlier loss. We might get frustrated with ourselves for "overreacting" because we think "I didn't know this person. Why am I so sad?" Often we're reminded of someone that did pass away, and maybe that recent death is affecting you. ​​

Allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling 
Even if your feelings don't feel valid, they are. 

You're allowed to feel what you're feeling. Remind yourself that loss has no time-frame. If others expect you to be "over it", or if they say, "that was such a long time ago", let yourself feel sad or hurt. Grief isn't linear. Sometimes you'll find yourself unaffected by the loss, and a few weeks later, you're hit by every emotion, and that's okay. ​​

Set limits with yourself.

Let yourself say "no" to things that you're usually responsible for, and allow yourself to ask for help from others. If you have less energy than you usually do, give yourself permission to have friends get groceries or do errands for you. ​​

Because holidays and anniversaries can be particularly difficult give yourself time to grieve. 

Anticipate that these times might be more difficult, especially if you have a lot of memories with this person during these holidays. If you're open to it, designate a time to remember this loved one. You might create a space honoring this person, with different tchotchkes that remind you of this person and choose a fixed amount of time to celebrate this person. The reason that I suggest creating a fixed time is that we might be fearful that we won't be able to function if we take this time to remember this loved one. But by remembering and reflecting, you're giving yourself time to grieve. ​​

Because grief affects us all in different ways...

Remind yourself that it's okay if your response to grief doesn't look like everyone else's. You might find yourself angry or irritable and that's okay. Be gentle with yourself and remember that all feelings are allowed. ​