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Grief. It's heavy. Whether it's the death of someone or it's the loss of a family pet, it hurts. We sometimes minimize our own pain and forget that a break-up is also a loss. About four years ago, a friend committed suicide. It was one of those painful losses because she had been such a light in my life. She never saw all that her friends saw in her. REMIND yourself that past losses are triggered with death.If you find yourself deeply affected by a death. Maybe you didn't know the person that died. Sometimes these losses bring up all the pain related to an earlier loss. We might get frustrated with ourselves for "overreacting" because we think "I didn't know this person. Why am I so sad?" Often we're reminded of someone that did pass away, and maybe that recent death is affecting you. Allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling |
 | In this workbook, you will access a series of exercises... So that you will CHERISH every moment. You will learn what YOU NEED. You will FLOURISH no matter what emotions come your way. I'M READY TO FEEL! |
Why is it helpful?
I get it. It's difficult to let go of a difficult situation. We want to know what will happen, how it will all look, how we'll feel. For all of us anxious people (myself included), certainty provides us with a sense of comfort.
But from what I've learned, letting go means becoming comfortable with the discomfort.
It is just that. Uncomfortable. And if we can be certain about one thing--it's that everything always changes. Even happiness and pain. It's all temporary.
So what does this all mean?
Yes, we can still make plans. And they're important and necessary. But the key is that we won't know how the future will unfold down to the specific details. Instead of seeking for knowing what will happen, I've started relying on being open and trusting my instincts.
And how can we cope with all this?
Similarly, we can try our best, but we cannot control if we make mistakes. Recognizing what we can control may assist us with letting go. We can control how we respond to the situations that are presented to us. We can focus on how we manage and acknowledge our emotions.
The act of expressing what we need is a way of taking responsibility. Even if the outcome isn't what we expect and we can't control how others respond, sharing our thoughts with others is a way of taking care of ourselves and regaining a sense of control.
Self-Care as a flexible recipe:
I used to get annoyed by "self-care" because it's an overused term and it sometimes suggests that "self-care" is a magic fix. Reframing self-care as something that's unique to each person, I've learned to embrace it.
For me, self-care is a flexible recipe. When I need time alone, I'll add in more physical activity. Other times, I'll need more time with friends. Sometimes it's an action step--like driving to the store to get my favorite sugar scrub or candle.
Here are some questions to ask yourself about "self-care":
1. What types of activities do I find energizing or draining?
2. Do I feel more relaxed when I've met with a large group of friends or met with someone one-on-one?
3. What work activities maintain or drain my energy?
4. Do I gain more energy after a meeting at work?
5. Do I feel better after I've spent time alone in my office?
6. How often do you generally spend engaging in enjoyable activities?
7. What are some things that you would like to spend less time doing?
8. Do you find it more manageable when you answer emails all throughout the day or during scheduled time frames?
For me, self-care is a flexible recipe. When I need time alone, I'll add in more physical activity. Other times, I'll need more time with friends. Sometimes it's an action step--like driving to the store to get my favorite sugar scrub or candle.
Here are some questions to ask yourself about "self-care":
1. What types of activities do I find energizing or draining?
2. Do I feel more relaxed when I've met with a large group of friends or met with someone one-on-one?
3. What work activities maintain or drain my energy?
4. Do I gain more energy after a meeting at work?
5. Do I feel better after I've spent time alone in my office?
6. How often do you generally spend engaging in enjoyable activities?
7. What are some things that you would like to spend less time doing?
8. Do you find it more manageable when you answer emails all throughout the day or during scheduled time frames?
taking care of Your emotions
Self-care also includes paying attention to our emotions. Even if it's uncomfortable, the ability to identify our emotions helps us catch them before they get bigger. What I mean by this: have you ever gotten really upset about something that seemed silly to someone else? I have! But what I have learned is that surge of anger may have been related to a lot of things piling up over time.
Do you ever feel like emotions are warning signs?
I used to ignore my emotions and pretend to be happy non-stop.
What I've learned is that emotions indicate that we need to pay attention.
Feelings aren't facts, but emotions let us know if we need to set limits.
For example, when I'm feeling irritable, I ask myself if I need to take a step away from the situation.
What do emotions tell you?
Here's an exercise for paying attention to our feelings:
Take 2 minutes to...
OBSERVE what's in front of you.
DESCRIBE in words what you see, feel, and hear.
ENGAGE in your experience and feel it fully.
What do you notice right now? What feelings are you experiencing? What thoughts arise?
WHAT'S PART OF YOUR SELF-CARE RECIPE?!
Do you ever feel like emotions are warning signs?
I used to ignore my emotions and pretend to be happy non-stop.
What I've learned is that emotions indicate that we need to pay attention.
Feelings aren't facts, but emotions let us know if we need to set limits.
For example, when I'm feeling irritable, I ask myself if I need to take a step away from the situation.
What do emotions tell you?
Here's an exercise for paying attention to our feelings:
Take 2 minutes to...
OBSERVE what's in front of you.
DESCRIBE in words what you see, feel, and hear.
ENGAGE in your experience and feel it fully.
What do you notice right now? What feelings are you experiencing? What thoughts arise?
WHAT'S PART OF YOUR SELF-CARE RECIPE?!
 | In this set of worksheets, you will learn strategies... So that you can incorporate more JOY into your life. You will gain AWARENESS. You will experience EXCITEMENT everyday so that it's no longer Groundhog's Day. You will find yourself saying "NO" and LOVING it. YES, I'M READY TO EXPERIENCE PEACE! |
Radical acceptance means accepting the facts of the situation without changing it. Resisting our circumstances can lead to additional suffering.
For example, we might be frustrated that we have to show up to work when we're sick. Acknowledging that it's a difficult situation validates our situation rather than creating more inner turmoil. When we accept our situation, even if it's uncomfortable, we are better able to cope with it. How can you accept the facts of the situation without changing it?
WE ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL WHAT WE'RE FEELING
Sometimes it's hard to slow down and to feel what we're feeling. We might invalidate ourselves because we think that others might have a tougher situation. While this might be true, you're still entitled to feel what you're feeling. Someone might have a difficult situation AND you are feeling what you're feeling.
What you're feeling doesn't take away from who you are as a person. It doesn't mean that you're not working hard. They're just feelings. They come and go.
HOW DO YOU VALIDATE YOUR FEELINGS?
We're less likely to worry about the future when we're engaging our senses.
STRESS MANAGEMENT: DE-STRESS WITH GROUNDING EXERCISES
How to do it:
Name 5 things using each of your senses
Touch
See
Smell
Hear
Taste
Focusing on the senses helps alleviate our stress.
Grounding exercises are also a great tool for managing trauma, hypervigilence, anxiety, or panic attacks.
For example, we might be frustrated that we have to show up to work when we're sick. Acknowledging that it's a difficult situation validates our situation rather than creating more inner turmoil. When we accept our situation, even if it's uncomfortable, we are better able to cope with it. How can you accept the facts of the situation without changing it?
WE ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL WHAT WE'RE FEELING
Sometimes it's hard to slow down and to feel what we're feeling. We might invalidate ourselves because we think that others might have a tougher situation. While this might be true, you're still entitled to feel what you're feeling. Someone might have a difficult situation AND you are feeling what you're feeling.
What you're feeling doesn't take away from who you are as a person. It doesn't mean that you're not working hard. They're just feelings. They come and go.
HOW DO YOU VALIDATE YOUR FEELINGS?
We're less likely to worry about the future when we're engaging our senses.
STRESS MANAGEMENT: DE-STRESS WITH GROUNDING EXERCISES
How to do it:
Name 5 things using each of your senses
Touch
See
Smell
Hear
Taste
Focusing on the senses helps alleviate our stress.
Grounding exercises are also a great tool for managing trauma, hypervigilence, anxiety, or panic attacks.
Before I used to get to a 5 (the highest stress level: see #1) and not know what to do. I'd be consumed by frustration. Now I can identify when I'm at a 3 and when I'm starting to get irritated. I acknowledge what annoyed me (#2) and ask myself what I need to cope with the irritation. When I can't talk to someone about it, journal, or listen to music (#3), I usually find a way to stretch or take 8 deep breaths.
1. Identify your stress level on a 1-5 scale.
2. What triggers your stress?
3. How can you let it out?
4. What do you need?
5. Remind yourself of what you did well today!
1. Identify your stress level on a 1-5 scale.
2. What triggers your stress?
3. How can you let it out?
4. What do you need?
5. Remind yourself of what you did well today!
| Breathe in and breathe out. Imagine breathing out all the tightness in your body and all the stress of the day. |
Find balance in all that you do.
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