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How to feel confident & UNSTOPPABLE!

9/30/2019

I used to hesitate and question what I had to say. Remaining in self-doubt required so much energy, and I wondered if my thoughts were valid or valuable. My self-consciousness furthered this spiral; because I felt insecure about what I would say, I prevented myself from interacting with and connecting with others. I felt alone in these thoughts. But through personal work and through practice, I learned that none of this was true. Soon enough, it no longer mattered what others thought. It was through this openness and walking through this discomfort that I gained meaningful relationships with others and felt more comfortable in my own skin. I began to love myself and feel more confident.

Because of my own path, confidence is one of those topics close to my heart. I am excited about sharing these exercises with you!

We often focus on negative memories.

These memories are often based in fiction, or prevent us from investigating other pieces of evidence that contrast our strengths and our abilities. When we focus on negative past experiences, we often leave out factual information reflecting our true qualities. I challenge you to identify five qualities associated with five different memories. The purpose of this exercise is to pinpoint your strengths despite the outcome. Even if it were a so-called “negative” or neutral experience, I am almost certain that you emulate positive attributes.

Let’s reflect upon an experience.

Perhaps you received feedback at work. What are some of the qualities that you exemplify at work? I can guarantee that you are hard-working, determined, attentive, and kind. I am assuming, but I am sure that there are many examples in which you demonstrate these qualities. When are you attentive to others’ feelings? When have you arrived early or stayed late at work? Or maybe you give it your best effort at your meetings.

Be a role model.

When we show others how to do something based on our skills, we’re reminded of our redeeming qualities. In those moments, we will focus on someone else, while reinforcing our own competencies. Perhaps you will gain excitement by mentoring someone and find yourself rooting for that person. Or maybe you will see yourself and your own strengths through this person.

It’s All In The Little Things.

Do something small for yourself. Buy yourself flowers as an act of appreciation for showing up today. Write yourself a note and place it somewhere you will come across it later. Wear your favorite outfit that makes you feel like a million bucks. Cut out an image or phrase from a magazine that reminds you of your amazing self. Send yourself a card so that you receive it at work.

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How to FORGIVE & let go

9/16/2019

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I’ve always struggled with letting go. It often comes in the form of aligning my thoughts with the situation. What do I mean by this? Often I’m tempted to alter the situation, but I gain self-acceptance when I am able to accept it as it is. I no longer tamper with it. I take action, and then, once I acknowledge that there is nothing more that I can control, often with an internal struggle, I finally arrive at a place of self-acceptance.

Gain insight

If you are a future-focused person, you might find it helpful to imagine what you’d like to see. You might imagine what acceptance looks like for you. How would you feel once you’ve let go? Or maybe this means investigating what is making it difficult to let go. Perhaps it’s the feelings that you’re experiencing. Or the feelings that you might be avoiding. It might be scary to acknowledge what waits on the other side of acceptance. Or maybe you’re hoping for closure and there’s this stuckness that you’re experiencing. You might wonder about what you might be resisting and how this might make it difficult to let go.

Forgiveness

It’s not an easy process. If another person is involved, it’s not a matter of whether the person deserves this forgiveness. It’s about whether you want to continue holding onto this pain and resentment against this other person. So how do we go about this pain?

It starts with compassion towards ourselves.

We acknowledge what we’re dealing with, while maintaining responsibility. It’s not about having pity for ourselves, but rather validating our own experiences. We’re metaphorically embracing ourselves and showering ourselves with the love that we need during this painful process. When we treat ourselves with kindness and non-judgment, we can work through the pain and start to forgive ourselves and others involved. These are some phrases that you could use to acknowledge your own pain and be compassionate with yourself:
“This hurts and I’m here for you.”
“No one should go through this and it’s painful.”
“It’s hard to be in so much pain. What do I need right now?”

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How to listen To your intuition

9/16/2019

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Sometimes we make impulsive decisions. It happens. But after awhile, we begin to notice how these quick decisions get in the way of our happiness. We might regret those choices. Or we might feel anxious and question our decisions. Those times when you do slow down and listen to your gut, your decisions are aligned with you and what feels “right” to you. You become more confident and you trust yourself.

Nevertheless, I’m here to tell you that you can improve your ability to listen to your intuition. Let’s get to it.

Acknowledge those “negative” feelings so that you can make room for a decision that’s aligned with you. When we’re a neutral or positive state, we’re better equipped to make decisions. We have more perspective. If we’re in a “negative” mood, we might be more likely to react.

Even if this voice tells you to do something that you don’t want to do, recognize that it might feel uncomfortable. We might not want to break up with our partner(s). We might not want to get off the couch. We might not want to put away that box of cookies. You get it. Generally when you get these feelings, you might not want to follow through because it might mean some “pain” on the other side, whether it’s feeling your feelings or feeling sad or lonely after leaving a relationship. You’ll have more space to think and to make decisions that fit for you

Do something creative or “mindless” and focus on one activity at a time.

When we engage in these activities, we are less over-stimulated (unless there’s music playing and people talking and you’re watching a tv show). When we multi-task, there’s less room for us to pay attention to our internal cues. Get into your body. When we’re walking or practicing yoga poses, we generally aren’t overthinking. We don’t think about that next step when we’re walking (except if we are re-learning how to walk from an injury or accident).

Allow your mind to wander. When we are curious, we’re more likely to be open and intuitive. Whatever comes to your mind, let it arise. See what it’s like to allow thoughts without resisting them. Mindfulness is another way to practice this exercise.

Lieberman, M.D. (2000). Intuition: A social cognitive neuroscience approach. Psychological Bulletin, 126(1), 109-137.

Volz, K.G. & Von Gramon, D.Y. (2006). What neuroscience can tell about intuitive processes in the context of perceptual discovery. Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience, 18(12), 2077-87.

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How to Develop habits

9/15/2019

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What’s your habit telling you?

Whether you’re adding something or getting rid of a habit, it’s often helpful if we decrease the difficulties faced with this new change. For example, let’s say that we’re trying to exercise more. You might want to start with 20 minutes, as opposed to an hour and a half. This way, you will be more likely to continue exercising on a regular basis. On the days that you are tired, an hour and a half of exercising might seem too overwhelming, but 20 minutes may seem more manageable.

There’s a reason that we as a species have been alive as long as we have been. We’re focused on survival. Think about how your habit is helpful. Let’s say that the habit that you’re changing is watching less TV. Maybe watching your favorite show is something that you look forward to or allows you to relax after a long day. You might turn to it because it takes no effort. There’s always something under the surface. What you’re really yearning for is something that requires little effort because you’ve worked too many hours or you don’t enjoy your job. Or maybe TV gives you that time to yourself. Whatever you're seeking, see how you can get in that relaxation another way. This could be putting your phone on airplane mode or spending time with friends.

Decrease the pain that you’ll endure

There’s a reason that habits are hard to change. They’re familiar. They’re comfortable. It makes it easier to function when we have routines. Otherwise, we’d have to think about every action throughout the day.

Fewer Choices

When we have so many options, we might get stuck in analysis paralysis. Instead, we need to simplify the process so that we don’t give ourselves the chance to get out of the task related to your goal. Let’s say that you want to leave the house earlier, but making breakfast always slows you down. Maybe this means that you have a yogurt or prepare your breakfast the night before. You have no other choice but to get the yogurt from the fridge and you can possibly leave five minutes earlier.

Increase validation

Because it’s challenging to change our behaviors, we need spaces that reinforce what we’re doing. We need all the affirmation that we can get. Congratulate yourself by recording every time that you complete a task related to your goal. Join an online community with others that share your common goal. We need that positive feedback and understanding from others when we’re making these changes. Tell your friends about your goal and share about your progress.

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Live or be Alive

How to feel confident & UNSTOPPABLE!

We often focus on negative memories.

Let’s reflect upon an experience.

Be a role model.

It’s All In The Little Things.

How to FORGIVE & let go

Gain insight

Forgiveness

It starts with compassion towards ourselves.

How to listen To your intuition

Acknowledge those “negative” feelings so that you can make room for a decision that’s aligned with you. When we’re a neutral or positive state, we’re better equipped to make decisions. We have more perspective. If we’re in a “negative” mood, we might be more likely to react.

Do something creative or “mindless” and focus on one activity at a time.

Allow your mind to wander. When we are curious, we’re more likely to be open and intuitive. Whatever comes to your mind, let it arise. See what it’s like to allow thoughts without resisting them. Mindfulness is another way to practice this exercise.

How to Develop habits

What’s your habit telling you?

Decrease the pain that you’ll endure

Fewer Choices

Increase validation

Find balance in all that you do.

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​Live or be Alive

We often focus on negative memories.

Let’s reflect upon an experience.

Be a role model.

It’s All In The Little Things.

Gain insight

Forgiveness

It starts with compassion towards ourselves.

Acknowledge those “negative” feelings so that you can make room for a decision that’s aligned with you. When we’re a neutral or positive state, we’re better equipped to make decisions. We have more perspective. If we’re in a “negative” mood, we might be more likely to react.

Do something creative or “mindless” and focus on one activity at a time.

Allow your mind to wander. When we are curious, we’re more likely to be open and intuitive. Whatever comes to your mind, let it arise. See what it’s like to allow thoughts without resisting them. Mindfulness is another way to practice this exercise.

What’s your habit telling you?

Decrease the pain that you’ll endure

Fewer Choices

Increase validation

Find balance in all that you do.

Categories

Archives

Live or be Alive